As the co-author of "Romancing the Shadow: A Guide to Soul work for a Vital Authentic Life", I will share some of my thoughts on "Shadow", "Soul Work", Romance, and a Vital authentic life.

Although I may not get to respond to all requests, I am open to questions and comments. So please feel free to respond......on that note:

Romancing the Shadow is an expression of the ability to form a conscious relationship with specific thoughts, feelings and sensations which, when we are not conscious of them, cause us to act in ways which we later regret.

The "Shadow", although used by Freud, was developed by Jung and popularized by his followers. Jung described it as the most conscious part of the unconscious. Robert Bly describes it as a long bag we drag behind us filled with rejected parts of our authentic selves. James Hillman discusses insects which often evoke deep "creeepy" or disgusting feelings in dreams asimages of the shadow, (as are fearful images of assassins, being chased, offensive "others"). Sometimes we catch glimpses of it in sarcastic or dark humor or, as Marianne Woodman put it, it jumps off our tongues like little toads we didn’t even know were there.

I think of the shadow in several different ways. I see it as a container, like a quiver, which rests along our spines. No matter how we turn our head we will never see it.

I also see the shadow as the contents of that quiver, which, like arrows, we can project out unto others or use to attack ourselves. When the shadow arrows hit their mark we experience that person who is our target as having the qualities we’ve projected and then we react to them as if they were not really our own. ( This is where the unconscious comes in.) Often the unconscious contents (the arrows) are what we might consider negative qualities: aspects of ourselves which we were taught to be unacceptable in our family as children. For some of us anger was unacceptable. For others, tears, or fear, or self pride, joy, or possibly feelings themselves, were judged and rejected, so they went into the shadow. Creativity may have not been valued, or possibly intellect, sexuality, or physical prowess. As a consequence we might not even recognize, accept nor value those same feelings, qualities, talents or abilities in our selves and they go into the shadow. In this latter case what we project out might then be creative expression, feeling expression, intellect or physical ability, eroticism, likeability or beauty; the rejected part of ourselves which we, once again, experience as if it was in the other. We might devalue that person or fall in love with him/her. If that’s the case you might continually find yourself being attracted to people who have "it" but lack other qualities you think or feel you need in the other to be content and happy in the relationship. This might be called the "light" or "white" shadow...sometimes we project out these qualities and fall in love at first sight: an illusion, I might add, which rarely "works out".( my first marriage).. As you change so do your attractions. As we uncover and own these unconscious parts of ourselves and no longer need to find them in an other, we become more open. Choices for partners may change because, in a sense, we’ve changed.......to be continued